Trouble diva Whitney Houston’s tragic death shocked the world on Saturday February 11, 2012.  Little was known about the final hours of the pop-star's short but meaningful life.   Speculation of drug overdose filled blogs, news reports and social networks.  It wasn’t until earlier this morning that this new source discovered the true and strange details of the songstress’ untimely end.

As a child Whitney grew up with her Canadian family in Porcupine Plain a small town in the Saskatchewan region of the Great White North.  Her father, Matt Houston (pictured right), was an avid member of the little known Saskatchewan Black Bear Wrestling Association (S.B.B.W.A.).  At a young age he began prepping Whitney as the first female Black Bear wrestling champion.  Whitney showed incredible prowess at the sport.  Once, at the age of 14, she single handedly took on 2 black bears in a single bout.

To Matt Houston’s dismay Whitney decided to follow her first love, music, becoming the pop diva that we all know today.  However, it was recently uncovered, that Whitney never forgot her upbringing.  She would frequently take trips back to her old Saskatchewan home where she would disguise herself and enter in unofficial S.B.B.W.A. bouts.  It was in one of these bouts that a particularly feisty bear named “Chokey the Bear” got in a lucky punch.

Female Lead: "You are a arrogant jerk and so not my type."

Male Lead: "I think you are a stuck up prude but I am going to have sex with you just because..."

Female Lead: "Look at the difficult situation we have ended up in together.  It is really making me feel close to you."

Male Lead: "At first I thought you were a stuck up prude but now I see you are a complex and sensual woman that I have deep feelings for."

Female Lead: "I found out that thing you said in line 2, now I hate you again, but in a less comical way then I hated you at first."

Male Lead: "I realize now that I am really a sensitive romantic and not the callous bad boy I was 45 seconds ago."

(Male lead creates some grand gesture to prove he has change, cut to Female lead crying)

Female Lead: "I do love you in spite of your faults."  

(Cut to random picnic on a single tree hill a Taylor swift song plays as the credits role)

Now that I am back I feel, with the impending northeast corridor hurricane, it is my civic duty to help clear the genetic pool of undesirable DNA.  So if you don't understand what that first sentence means, here are a few:

Hurricane Tips

Tip 1: Glass is your friend

It is best to stand as close to any bay, plate or any other large ornate windows during the full onslaught of the hurricane.

Tip 2: Make sure you keep your roof protected

During the hurricane make sure you sit on your roof to replace any stray tiles that may fly off during the height of the storm.  You wouldn't want your neighbors to talk; now would you?

Tip 3: Metal will protect you from the rain

Make sure you get the largest sheet of conductive metal so that you can be outside at the highest point in your area to watch the storm.  I mean how often do hurricanes come 'round these parts...

Tip 4: Take a trip to the beach

If you love to surf, now is the time.  Waves will be totally righteous...

Tip 5: Fly a kite

The winds will make this a perfect time to go outside and enjoy a nice kite.  Make sure it is a nice big sturdy kite, the kind that could carry a full grown adult if it needed to.

Tip 6: Don't use common sense

If it looks or feels dangerous, it is probably a lot of fun.  Stop being such a pansy and just go do it...

Hopefully these tips will help natural selection and you have a fantastic hurricane experience.

I have a whole heap of new hate to spew...  Can't wait to get back writing...

This time I am referring to the web site.  Bare with me while I try to fix this peice of crap...

This goes out to the jackass that was walking in front of me blowing her cigarrette smoke in my face because you didn't want the wind to blow it back in your face.  I hope you get run over by a street sweeper.

Ok I feel better now.

Hey  all of you Facebook users that feel it is your job to spread the word of your particular belief system, tell me how to live my life or write up lifting messages that you found on some quote site, I have four words for you SHUT THE F' UP.  Let's talk about the first group for a bit.  I am going to give you a little tip.  Nobody wants to read bible quotes on Facebook, or hear how to balance their chakra, or care that you have found Jesus.  Now if you want to tell me where Jesus was hiding, that's a different story.  I have a few hundred questions to ask him.  Oh and before I forget "chakra balancing" is a bunch of bullshit.  If you put on relaxing music (drumming) and sit around in incense, you are doing a thing known around the world as RELAXING.  Get a massage, sit in a Jacuzzi or have sex, you will notice the same affect.

Now for the second group; you are the worst.  How dare you think you can tell me how I should live my life.  I don't care if you think abortion is wrong, don't be f'ing ridiculous and tell people they are "evil" for having one.  Sorry for the cliché here but; Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.  It is pretty easy sitting in your nice house with your disposable income to say "Even unborn children are precious,"  and you know what they are.  So is a 16 year old that made a mistake.  Abortions are wrong and children are precious but you are an asshole. Go back to your shrine to Newt Gingrich and keep your f'ing mouth shut. 

Oh and don't think I forgot about the liberals...  Don't tell me I am an evil person for eating meat, or wearing leather.  Your liberal, you believe in evolution, we evolved from the most barbaric proto-humans  on the planet (we killed off all of the peaceful proto-humans because we were better).  You should just be glad people are going around eating faces anymore.  I always make sure all of my meat is human face free.

Finally for you "deep" people; no one wants to hear your regurgitated inane crap.  Everyone knows you are about as deep as a puddle.  Here is a good one "Your life is a book make yours a best seller," uggh... how bout I make yours a murder mystery.  "People are like snowflakes...  No two are the same, but they are all beautiful", you know what else is unique... turds.  I would say you are more like one of those.

I know I offended some people and, as always, I don't care.  If you want your Facebook comment to carry a deeper meaning.  How 'bout you put it on a web site where people don't post links to monkey's pissing in their face.

Ever since I began the new Mr. Fury site I have had comment moderation turned off, and I am sure glad I did.  Apparently people are a lot freer with their comments when they are NOT being monitored.  Check out some of the awesome comments I have received since turning off comment moderation:

Defenderfer7387@gmail.com from http://free-music-down-loads.net/ wrote the following comment on Ode to the iPad:

“Thought you may like to know I came to your site from the first page of aGoogle seach. Hard Work. I know how hard it is to get your your website on the first page of a search. Ive purchased ebook after ebook and finally got <A href="http://the-musicstore.org/">musicstore</A> on the first page. thank gosh only took 6months!!”

Thank you Defenderfer7387; just as a heads up though I think free music is still illegal, but I will keep up the Hard work. < "> to you too.

yoseph.kaburuan@gmail.com from http://atakelektrikbobinaj.com/ wrote the following comment on My Online Dating Profile:

“I truly loved this brilliant article. Please continue this awesome work. Regards, Duyq.”

Wow thanks a bunch Duyq.  I thought the article was mildly amusing but brilliant, wow. Pulitzer here I come…

Hesser@yahoo.com (Jeana Heckford) from http://yourbetterliving.info/flabby-tummy/ wrote the following comment on General Rant:

“Hello. Many thanks for an intriguing blog page post. My spouse and I found it totally advantageous and want to revisit before long.”

Hmm thanks for the compliment, but did you even read the article?  I wrote it and I don’t even want to revisit it.

Rosenau@starfire.com (Otis Flitcroft) at http://www.piemuncher.com/savannah-smiles-1982/ also wrote on General Rant:

“Wholly crap batman! this will definately turn my night into somethng other than boring ole tv time. Thank you.”

Thanks for the compliment, but about that website name…

Kochkodin@yahoo.com (Herpes Treatment) at http://www.docstoc.com/docs/42435607/Herpes-Treatment-Cold-Sore-Treatment-Genital-Herpes-Treatment---One-Size-Fits-All wrote on Just another example of why I hate people...:

“roughly 90% of everyone have herpes simplex (cold sores, g herpes)... herpes simplex prescription meds = billion dollar industry... okay nice for them - i'd like a few billion myself... but herpes simplex can be treated with zinc... zinc = cheap and no prescription... almost no one knows about zinc treatment... billions continue to be spent on herpes simplex prescription treatment... there are more inexpensive no prescription treatments for other medical conditions... look and listen for them and spread the word... let people have prescriptions, but also let them know if alternatives exist... why not?”
Why not indeed Herpes Treatment…

Eichelberger71@yahoo.com (Michael Banecker) from http://tipsfordatinggirls.wordpress.com/ wrote on Computers are hard!!!:

“I had fun reading this. But I am forced to really wonder if you were for the woman's side here? :3”

I will think about that long and hard Michael.  I didn’t realize my article on computers was so masochistic.

Finally Korenic@gmail.com (penis growth exercise) from http://penisreports.com/PenisHealth.php wrote on Ode to the iPad:

“Great post! Always a job well done!”

Thanks penis growth.  I hope I can keep you interested.  And thank you for some of the tips for adding 3 inches and increasing my girth.

I wish I could have included more in this article; I mean there were so many great comments, but I think for now I will have to limit it to these few.  Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.  You have really motivated me to keep my blog up to date.

I am totally blitzed and I am trying to rwrite an articel.  No seriously shhhh, shhh I really am.  I just drank 4 Dog Fish imperial 90 min IPAs.  They were awesome, but now I am a nit snokered (Iam not even sure that is a word.)  Seriously, I love you guys.  You are always there never judging.  I can drive really I am ghood, stop being a dick.  Whatever, take my keys I dont care.  Oh did you guys see the last episode of lost.  It was pretty cool.  Harry potter is on the TV it was the one with the Aerewolf.  It was pretty good.  Oh yeah, check this out I had an wawesome dinned tonight Steak and baked potato.  My son just said he loves me.  Didi I mention I love you guys.  Stop laughing at me I am serious.  My wife just turned on the lost version of Jimmy Kimmle Live, so I have to go.  I love you guys.

P.S.:  This post is written as is .

Name - Fred

Age - 35

Location - South Jersey

Body Type - Bordering on gelatinous

Interests - Video Games, computers, movies and other sedentary activities

Dislikes - Leaving the house, social gatherings and people

Seeking - Someone that can put up with my mood swings and will leave me alone for long periods of time.

About me:

Hey, you girls are in for a treat.  Not only do I like to sit around in butt cleavage revealing shorts (some even have holes in very revealing positions), but most of my  shirts are a little too small for me revealing my cavernous belly button.  I really hope you are a fan of my lounge-ware because that is what you will be seeing me in 90% of the time.  I think you will really enjoy my collection of video games because when I am not working or sleeping (between 80-90% of my day) I will be spending about  60% of my remaining time playing them.  That will leave 0.96 to 1.92 hours of unadulterated you and me time.

But we are just getting started ladies.  Not only will you get the sexy lounge-ware and the almost 2 hours of undivided attention.  We can spend that time watching movies (only of the Action, Sci-Fi, Horror or Slapstick Comedy genres) or TV ( I only watch Lost, The Family Guy and South Park). We could also sit and watch the sunrise on a warm summers morn'. 

Ok that last line was a total lie.  In fact I try not to leave climate controlled areas during the summer months.  The beach is right out, I hate getting burned and nothing is more irritating then sand in your butt-crack. 

You know what this is entirely too much work and whoever is reading this would probably want to change me, forget it.  Really, I am a little tired writing all this crap down, so I am going to go take a nap.